tears dry on their own.

tell me..
if this a sin or crime,
how come i i feel nothing?
no pain. no hurt.

perhaps,
i am just heartless.

i know
you can see through my eyes.
i know
you can see it in my eyes.
i know
you can feel what i feeling within.
i know
you can feel that my hearts gone.
i know
someday i can find it back again.
i know
someday you'll bring it back to me.

i hate daylight
i can see the real me clearly in the mirror.

i hate night time
i can feel the lights hate me and betray me.


to those who cares for me,
i am sorry,
but,

I JUST HATE MYSELF SO MUCH!

to those who hates me,
i am glad,
because
at least,

I OWN A PLACE IN YOUR HEART!

FEELING

sadness and sorrow. yes. this is what i feel now. do you ever have a feeling like you are the only one who standing in one cold, dark space and you dont even dare to breathe that loud and hard? and you cant even find a way to escape. nothing just seems to be right. who you thought you can count on, no longer there for you. who you used to trust and trust you, has gone. what you thought it is so real, now fake. everything seems to be fading away. someone uses to tell me that nothing last forever. now i guess i finally know the meaning of it.

i've got so damn many thoughts and emotions in my mind and i really dont understand why am i keep on struggling to think about it since it will only turns me moody and depress. it is just a feeling which i dont know how to explain. i really wished i could express everything inside me in here and i would be happier than now. like cut some files from the pendrive and just paste it to the computer and save it so the spaces of the pendrive would be empty and clean. i wish i could format my memories or either i can choose which memories of mine that i want to keep and those sucked memories i wanted to delete so bad into recycle bin.

people always thought that i am some kind of happy-go-lucky person. yeah indeed, i am. they just dont know deeply inside my heart, i would feel cold and empty too. no one there for me to reach. helpless. yea sometimes, i admit, i am not that so-called positive minded person tho. sometimes, life is not easy as you think. real life aint no fairytales. i should have realized it. suffering, indeed. but still, you have to force yourself to be happy and smile for every fucking-shity day.

but its okay. i used to wear mask in life. yet, i think i handle it pretty well. ;)

could anyone tell me please,
what will you do if every of your happy moments, there will be 10 moments of sadness?

难受

是我想太多，
你总这样说。
但你却没有，
真的心疼我。
是我想太多，
我也这样说，
这是唯一能安慰我的理由。

对不起，
其实我不想打扰你。
可是，
我的心真的很难受。

以为自己真的可以一直当着没事，
可是，
越是不在乎，
越是难忘。

请原谅我的自私。
我只是
想让自己好好休息
好好想想
自己到底想怎么样。

唉！

haru haru, mudyeojyeogane.

i feel lost recently. and never thought there are also angels who stay beside me because im such a devil who only live for myself. love only myself.


to those who always stay beside me and supported me, you will never know how much you mean to me. you are the light for me when i was fallen. you are the reason why i can still standing here and be myself. thanks for everything. i really appreciate it.


to those who hates me and always wanted to see me fall, please screw yourself. continue to hate me as you're making me to grow stronger. to those who has not accept me for who i am, all i can do is stay silent. nobody is perfect and so do i.

dont look back and leave.
just live on.
because i have no regrets from loving you.
so only take the happy memories.
i can hold back in some ways.
i can bear it somehow.
you have to be happier than i am now.
day by day, im fading away.

- haru haru
Big Bang

无能为力。

前几天生了一场大病，到现在才稍微好了一些些。。
发高烧、感冒、咳嗽。。 全部都找上门来。
自己身体的温度高到连自己都怕了。
咳嗽到醒来了就无法再继续睡下去。
鼻子里面塞了全都是青黄色的液体。
超恶心。
超辛苦。

不过，更辛苦的是，
自己在病的时候，竟然没有人在身边体贴的照顾，
自己好像被遗弃一样。
辛苦。
堕落。
无助。

突然很想家。
生病时，他们比我更紧张。
硬拉我去看医生。因为自己超讨厌吃药。
睡觉时，她会帮我盖被单。
因为自己时常在半夜把被单给踢走了。
吃饭时，总会夹我喜欢吃的菜给我。
因为他们知道我很挑食。

在这里，没有人投靠。
唯有靠自己了。
很多事要烦，
我的心真的好累了。

请您饶了我，
放我一条生路，
好吗？