FEELING

sadness and sorrow. yes. this is what i feel now. do you ever have a feeling like you are the only one who standing in one cold, dark space and you dont even dare to breathe that loud and hard? and you cant even find a way to escape. nothing just seems to be right. who you thought you can count on, no longer there for you. who you used to trust and trust you, has gone. what you thought it is so real, now fake. everything seems to be fading away. someone uses to tell me that nothing last forever. now i guess i finally know the meaning of it.

i've got so damn many thoughts and emotions in my mind and i really dont understand why am i keep on struggling to think about it since it will only turns me moody and depress. it is just a feeling which i dont know how to explain. i really wished i could express everything inside me in here and i would be happier than now. like cut some files from the pendrive and just paste it to the computer and save it so the spaces of the pendrive would be empty and clean. i wish i could format my memories or either i can choose which memories of mine that i want to keep and those sucked memories i wanted to delete so bad into recycle bin.

people always thought that i am some kind of happy-go-lucky person. yeah indeed, i am. they just dont know deeply inside my heart, i would feel cold and empty too. no one there for me to reach. helpless. yea sometimes, i admit, i am not that so-called positive minded person tho. sometimes, life is not easy as you think. real life aint no fairytales. i should have realized it. suffering, indeed. but still, you have to force yourself to be happy and smile for every fucking-shity day.

but its okay. i used to wear mask in life. yet, i think i handle it pretty well. ;)

could anyone tell me please,
what will you do if every of your happy moments, there will be 10 moments of sadness?